WHY???

[sawgrass]

...why do we have, collect, carry, and shoot guns?

Briefly for me, growing up in the Appalachian Mtns. most people shoot. I was nine when the BB gun became a .22

So of late, when I'm being dismissed by the 'anti's' they have said "so it's part of your culture"...yes, I guess it is. My story is simple.

A very dear friend of mine who I became the big sister of her daughter after her husband died wants to buy a gun. Her new SO is not comfortable with the idea at all.
She said that when they began debating she goes blank....

So what should she say? Give me some arguments and the responses. The SO is no dummy, but is a typical emotional anti. PLEASE KEEP IN MIND THAT BOTH OF THESE PEOPLE ARE OUR FRIENDS AND THAT WE change one mind at a time!


How do any of you convince your SO's that this is important to you???

[FJ540]

Does the SO have any experience with guns?

[gunsmith]

I give a cryptic 10 word answer:

Dru Sjodin,
Katie Pourier,
Michael Zebuhr,
Alan Reiter,
Mark Loesch.

[loose]

?

[bpacman]

What it comes down too is taking responsibility for your own protection. Doing this scares the people around them who have convinced themselves that they will not be confronted by a life threatening situation. It makes the people around them have to consider that it is a possibility and that they are not prepared.

It is OK for them to refuse to take this responsibility but they cannot logically deny that there is a very real chance they will have to defend themselves someday. They choose not to think about it, but if a gun is present, it makes them confront their ignorance.

You will have to tell your little sister that just owning a gun is not enough. She needs to know how to use it and train with it. She needs to be able to maintain it and maintain positive control of it.

There really is no other debate or argument for owning a gun that is solely meant for protection. Either take responsibility or rely on others for your protection.

Bp

[Jack's My dog]

My suggestion is she should start by asking her SO what are the main concerns are so she has an opportunity to think about and develop a rebuttal. If she is going blank during the conversation she may not have figured out for herself why purchasing and owning a firearm is important to her. I think FJ's question is right on, a lack of having a firearm experience could cause some hesitation on the SO's part. Some reasonable compromise in regards to how the gun is stored in the home may also go a long ways in easing fears.

The number one reason I own firearms is indeed my culture and family. I hunted with my Grandfather, and I now hunt with my father, uncle and cousins and deer hunt with my closest friends. My brother recently purchased a pistol in January... and I have spent more time hanging out with him in the last few months than I have in years now that we have a activity we both have in common.

Second, shooting is just fun. It doesn't have to be all life and death all the time.

Third, Just because I want to have the skills to and train to defend myself is doesn't mean I want to go around playing hero and getting into gun fights. I look at a lot of shooting as a martial art. How come people can take karate or judo or jujitsu with out being accused of hoping for a fight? I also wonder about fencing sometimes-fencing I think would generally be considered a "refined and cultured" sport by many people.
I am guessing that most people don't assume you will be looking for sword fights in public, when you take up this sport. Also, one of the main safety rules for shooting sports is don't point the business end of a gun at people. The whole point of fencing is to get your opponent with the pointy end.

Fourth, and I while I feel it may not be that rhetorically effective---"because I can". We have the right protected by the 2A and we all have our own views on this. This one your friend may need to decide for herself how to address, but my philosophy on my firearm ownership has changed in the last few years to include the idea that I am exercising my right as a citizen.

[photogpat]

I'll interject my two cents -- and bear in mind I'm not a trained relationship counselor or therapist. IMHO only!

I always start from the premise that not everyone MUST own a firearm. Whether for religious, personal, political or other reasons, some choose not to have anything to do with them. That's their wish, and I can respect them for their opinions. I only ask that they respect mine. So long as neither one of our actions affects the others...we should be good.

When you have a situation where one person in a relationship is looking to expand into a new area - whether it be professional, religious, hobby, etc...and the other is objecting to it, tread lightly. Personal relationships can take real damage if the decision-making isn't done correctly and jointly.

When I was newly "into" handguns, I purchased my first one over the strenuous objections of my partner. We'd argued about my purchase prior to it for the previous 6 months. It became an extremely sore subject. I just went ahead and "did" it...indicating that my way was right, and she was being paranoid and should get over it. After I woke up from the coma - I decided that wasn't the right way to go about it...

After not speaking for several weeks, I approached her with the topic again - her chief objections were the safety of our children, and that handguns were inherently dangerous. I started by reinforcing my safety precautions - firearm and ammo stored separately, under lock and key, etc, the fact that I'd be training with it regularly...and that I would be bringing our children up to respect and use firearms safely. We reached an armistice, whereby the pistol could stay, so long as it was safely stored, and not in a place where the children, or their friends, would come into contact with it w/o me present. The experience taught us to lay out the discussion in diplomatic terms, not belittle or become condescending to each other...and to listen instead of speak.

Now, fast forward 4 years -- I wanted to obtain my carry permit. I started the discussion, and not by presenting her with a handgun on my hip and a newly laminated permit card. I presented my pros, she presented her cons -- and again, her focus was on safety. We agreed on a lock box for the cars, and that the firearm would never be "left out" on a counter, etc...if that were to happen...*insert hell breaking loose comment here*

Fast forward again to today -- she discreetly jokes about me carrying a firearm to close family and friends (which I'm ok with), and made a comment once about how she was glad I had a gun on me. She did make a passing comment about not noticing how the pistol collection had grown. She has fired nearly every one in the "arsenal" and enjoys being a good shot even though its not "her thing".

We still don't agree politically though -- that's a discussion for another day....funny when a Libertarian marries a confirmed Liberal....

Edit: Bottom line, they can arrive at a common ground that both can respect - and don't necessarily have to change each others' minds.

[Uffdaphil]

Hows about:
"Honey, when the animals with guns kick in our door to rape me in front of you and kill us both, will you feel more comfy about my gun?"

[Deputyhiro]

Like anything else. Why should you have to explain away why its important? Does the SO feel threatened by her when she has a gun? Is she a dangerous person with one? Is society in danger? I'm guessing not. I hate the idea of having to be on the defensive as a gun owner. If he can't reason with common sense, there is no hope.

[LarryP]

Why? Because I want to! Simple enough.

[Thunder71]

Nobody said the SO was a man, not that it matters but some of the posts are geared that direction.

To me, if they are people you have to deal with day in and day out it will need to be addressed, and it seems this is the case here so...

*** Never be pushy ***
The first step is to find out the source of the issue. Is it lack of experience with firearms, fear, past experience, ???
The next step then would be to try and educate, or support what you find out in step one.
Take baby steps if necessary to build confidence, and exaggerate safety at all times... make it clear safety is your number one concern, even when you don't feel you are being watched or demonstrating (this should always be done anyway, right?).

It may never change things, but hopefully you can live with each others' differences, and over time perhaps enjoy range time together, if only once a year.

Edited to add...
My wife grew up around deer hunters, but not people who necessarily consider firearms defense tools. So she was familiar with, and had fired long guns, but only for hunting purposes. She will most likely never carry a firearm, but has taken the class and has a much better understanding now. She's OK with my having my guns, so long as they are kept away from the kids and locked up when not on me, which to me is absolutely critical as well. Once a year I get her to the range, she has a great time, but then that's it... she has no further interest, and I don't push the issue.

[JTapper]

Then I was newly "into" handguns, I purchased my first one over the strenuous objections of my partner. We'd argued about my purchase prior to it for the previous 6 months. It became an extremely sore subject. I just went ahead and "did" it...indicating that my way was right, and she was being paranoid and should get over it. After I woke up from the coma - I decided that wasn't the right way to go about it...

After not speaking for several weeks, I approached her with the topic again - her chief objections were the safety of our children, and that handguns were inherently dangerous. I started by reinforcing my safety precautions - firearm and ammo stored separately, under lock and key, etc, the fact that I'd be training with it regularly...and that I would be bringing our children up to respect and use firearms safely. We reached an armistice, whereby the pistol could stay, so long as it was safely stored, and not in a place where the children, or their friends, would come into contact with it w/o me present. The experience taught us to lay out the discussion in diplomatic terms, not belittle or become condescending to each other...and to listen instead of speak.

We still don't agree politically though -- that's a discussion for another day....funny when a Libertarian marries a confirmed Liberal....

Edit: Bottom line, they can arrive at a common ground that both can respect - and don't necessarily have to change each others' minds.

This is almost exactly how it went down in our house. I basically told my wife "I'm buying a handgun and getting my PTC". She wasn't MAD about it, but she wasn't supportive of the idea either. We discussed the safety precautions that would be taken, and I got my 9 y/o daugher involved in shooting .22 rifle with me, eventually buying her a rifle of her own this last Christmas.

At first, it was "I'm not going anywhere with you if you're carrying a gun". Now, just this last summer, she finally began to notice that I carry most anywhere outside of work and school activities. The day I knew she was "over it" was when I was grilling and she came up and hugged me from behind, placing he had directly on my Glock. While some guys may have been thinking about all the things they've done wrong to their spouse and why they may want to kill them, mine was reassurance that she was comfortable with the fact that I own and carry a handgun. She now supports my hobby, the fact that I carry, and the fact that my young children have firearm experience, and knowledge of firearm safety.

My point to her, was that we may not NEED a firearm ready to go at all times, I want to make sure that when the need DOES arise, that all parties are comfortable and competent to handle the situation. At first she wasn't keen on me teaching our kids to shoot. Once I explained that firearm safety is important to me not just because we have them in our home, but that I don't know who else may have them in their home. There ARE irresponsible owners out there. If my children are ever visiting someone elses home, and they come across an unsecured firearm, I want them to know how to handle the situation and react appropriately.

While my wife has yet to visit the range with me. She is getting closer to agreeing to come with. I think the main worry she has about going to a class (even a women-only class) is that she doesn't want to feel dumb. We've discussed this as well, and while I don't think many husbands would want to teach their wife gun safety, if I could teach my wife to drive a manual transmission car and not get into a fight, I think it's worth giving it a shot.

[JTapper]

I should also mention that she is also more comfortable with my daughter talking about shooting as well. I've spent a lot of time discussing with my daughter the appropriate time and place to bring it up. My main concern was for her to go to school and talk about how much fun she had shooting her rifle over the weekend. I have explained to her that not everyone likes firearms, and that some people think that we shouldn't own them, and certainly not let children handle them. We've always focused on safety first, and shooting skills second. Her first time out, she put 10 rounds through my Marlin bolt-action .22 and surprised the hell out of me. I was ecstatic when the first round hit paper. I was even more excited when the following nine rounds ended up.

[SparkyJeff]

How do any of you convince your SO's that this is important to you???

I only get one life, and I want to live it.

[sawgrass]

Thanks guys!