I would appreciate a female perspective.

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I would appreciate a female perspective.

Postby Irish.40 on Fri Mar 09, 2012 3:23 pm

I recently purchased a handgun. I have always wanted one but my wife finally gave me the ok. I have been trying to include her in my new hobby, she even came to the range with me last week. My intent has always been to get my carry permit. My motives are 60% hobby 40% defense. However, since having the gun she has become much more paraniod. She doesn't like talking about it anymore. And last night she was outside with the dog after I went to bed. The neighbor was walking his dog as well. My dog started barking at them before my wife saw them. She said she became so afraid she could barely turn her back to them to open the door and go back inside. She said it took her an hour to calm down. She has also expressed that she is nervous mvoing about the house after I go to bed. She sent me an email describing all of this. I feel like the only option I have is to not get my carry permit and just keep the gun as a hobby. My question to the women on this forum is this... How can I help her to be more comfortable around the gun? Is there anything I can do to ease her mind on this matter? Or is my gun destined to be locked in the safe except for the once every couple of weeks or so I can sneak it out to the range or clean it? Any insight would be greatly appreciated. My goal in buying the gun was to bring peace of mind and security into my home. It seems I have acheived the opposite.
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Re: I would appreciate a female perspective.

Postby PileDriver on Fri Mar 09, 2012 4:15 pm

I guess I'm not following... What does dogs barking have to do with a gun? Or being in the house after you go to sleep having to do with a gun?

Sent an email?
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Re: I would appreciate a female perspective.

Postby Squib Joe on Fri Mar 09, 2012 5:02 pm

IANAW, but this sounds to me like just a general state of heightened anxiety which may or may not be due to the firearm being in the home. I'm assuming the gun is locked up? If it isn't, that may help at first.

We make jokes, but going from being an unarmed to an armed family isn't easy for everyone, there can be a little transition period before everyone realizes that the gun won't suddenly jump up and start spraying bullets ;)
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Re: I would appreciate a female perspective.

Postby Ron Burgundy on Fri Mar 09, 2012 5:47 pm

Squib Joe wrote:IANAW

I don't know why this struck me as funny but I like the accronymn
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Re: I would appreciate a female perspective.

Postby Irish.40 on Fri Mar 09, 2012 5:57 pm

PileDriver wrote:I guess I'm not following... What does dogs barking have to do with a gun? Or being in the house after you go to sleep having to do with a gun?

Sent an email?



She sent me an email describing how she has been feeling since I got the gun. I was at work and she evidently just want to get it off her chest. She describes her reaction to the surprise of the dog barking at the neighbor as a symptom of her paranoia since the gun has been in the house. Of course the gun is locked up. She says she is suddenly aware of the possibility of a BG trying to get in the house. To describe "us" a little bit better, she is a hippie and I am a redneck hick. She listens to pop music and I mostly listen to country and rock. I am trying to understand how someone can have a fear of an inanimate object. Thats why I posted this thread. I don't understand her opinion. I asked her how she would feel if we were out to dinner and 2 cops were sitting at the bar, with their guns. She said she would feel safe. I asked the same senario, but the guys at the bar were just regular guys openly carrying. She said she would be very nervous and would want to be positioned so she could see them at all times. I think she is just afraid of guns. She did say that when she comes to bed after me, she tries to be really quiet as to not wake me up. She doesn't want me to wake up and think she is a BG. I hope I am explaining this well enough because I am really looking for advice.
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Re: I would appreciate a female perspective.

Postby Pezhead on Fri Mar 09, 2012 6:04 pm

My post disappeared. Stupid phone. Do you think when you discussedthe crime aspect she became more aware and doesn't know how to handle it yet? This has to be something she hasn't had experience with and might be a learning experience.
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Re: I would appreciate a female perspective.

Postby Irish.40 on Fri Mar 09, 2012 6:08 pm

Pezhead wrote:My post disappeared. Stupid phone. Do you think when you discussedthe crime aspect she became more aware and doesn't know how to handle it yet? This has to be something she hasn't had experience with and might be a learning experience.


That is a very good point that I didn't consider. Any tips to help her along. Right now it is a very sensitive subject.
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Re: I would appreciate a female perspective.

Postby wrench on Fri Mar 09, 2012 6:22 pm

I have female friends that are scared to the point of paralysis about guns. They weren't raised around them, don't know (or think they know) people with guns, and it's generally just terrifying to them.
Would your wife go to the range with other women for a class? Or just to learn to shoot and become more comfortable with guns?
My thought is that you made her think about some things she'd rather not think about, and is now scared where before she was just in blissland, not thinking about anything bad happening.
Of course, I am not a therapist, and didn't even stay in a Holiday Inn last night. Just a random female who came to the gun hobby later in life.
Edited to add-here's a link to a super website written by a woman, for women, about guns. If she doesn't want to look at it, maybe you could take a peek and gain some ideas.
http://corneredcat.com/
Remember, gun control is not about guns, it's about control.
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Re: I would appreciate a female perspective.

Postby Pezhead on Fri Mar 09, 2012 6:25 pm

Time will hopefully help. Some people that have experienced the same thing will hopefully chime in. Maybe pm ladyt she's an instructor. Some women are more willing to learn from a female.
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Re: I would appreciate a female perspective.

Postby sawgrass on Sat Mar 10, 2012 11:22 am

This 'feels' like a training issue to me. Since she gave you the OK to buy the gun, hopefully she trusts your ability with it.

Ask her if she would like to go shooting with other women. Most of my female friends are hippies and slowly but surely they are all making their way to Oakdale Gun Club.
One after taking the class with ttoussi, just got her CC permit. This same friend and I used to live together and did not agree on firearms at all. It took patience to get her
on board.

When I first started to carry, I had to walk around the house with the gun cocked but unloaded. I had to learn that it isn't going to go bang unless I pulled the trigger.
Time, patience, persistence and training. If she wants and 'intro' to firearms, working up in calibers I would be happy to take her shooting.
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Re: I would appreciate a female perspective.

Postby infidel on Sat Mar 10, 2012 12:10 pm

Many instructors will allow a spouse to "audit" their permit to carry class. Her comfort level would be improved and you will still be able to protect your loved ones.
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Disclaimer: Do not assume from this post, that I either agree or disagree with any other issue brought up in this thread.
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Re: I would appreciate a female perspective.

Postby Irish.40 on Sat Mar 10, 2012 4:51 pm

sawgrass wrote:This 'feels' like a training issue to me. Since she gave you the OK to buy the gun, hopefully she trusts your ability with it.

Ask her if she would like to go shooting with other women. Most of my female friends are hippies and slowly but surely they are all making their way to Oakdale Gun Club.
One after taking the class with ttoussi, just got her CC permit. This same friend and I used to live together and did not agree on firearms at all. It took patience to get her
on board.

When I first started to carry, I had to walk around the house with the gun cocked but unloaded. I had to learn that it isn't going to go bang unless I pulled the trigger.
Time, patience, persistence and training. If she wants and 'intro' to firearms, working up in calibers I would be happy to take her shooting.


Thank you very much for the offer. I will give her a little time and then extend the offer to her. Right now I think she just needs some time to get used to the idea of being an armed household. Thank you very much.
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Re: I would appreciate a female perspective.

Postby Irish.40 on Sat Mar 10, 2012 4:52 pm

infidel wrote:Many instructors will allow a spouse to "audit" their permit to carry class. Her comfort level would be improved and you will still be able to protect your loved ones.


By "audit", do you mean she would get to sit in on the class?
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Re: I would appreciate a female perspective.

Postby ttousi on Sat Mar 10, 2012 5:51 pm

Irish.40 wrote:
infidel wrote:Many instructors will allow a spouse to "audit" their permit to carry class. Her comfort level would be improved and you will still be able to protect your loved ones.


By "audit", do you mean she would get to sit in on the class?


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Re: I would appreciate a female perspective.

Postby Lady T on Sat Mar 10, 2012 6:38 pm

The fear of guns to some people can sometimes be extremely serious. Sometimes it has something to do with their past, whether a victim of gun violence or an experience they’ve had that has put a certain image in their mind. Or the one thing that really frustrates me: someone put a larger caliber gun in their hands, that did not fit their smaller hands, and had them shoot it-hurting their hands…grrr. Mostly, from what I’ve experienced, it has to do with not knowing what guns are really all about-the unknown is usually very scary.
I’ve instructed women for over 20 yrs and after hours in the classroom (with loading and unloading procedures with dummy rds) I still have had ladies start crying after their first shot with a .22 I’ve even had more than a few faint. One reason why I always do the “1 cartridge rule” for their first shot! (But I’ve never had one leave the range without a smile-some just take longer than others :D
Of course, this is the minority, the majority are laughing and smiling while working their way up in caliber sizes :D It’s just so much fun to watch them progress.

For someone like your wife, I have a few suggestions; in May Oakdale Gun Club is offering the class “Introductory to Firearms for Women”. It’s only $35.00 and she’ll be introduced to handguns, shot guns and rifles. Sometimes when women see other women enjoying themselves and getting comfortable around guns, they realize they are OK. I no longer instruct the class :cry: (no compete contract with Bill’s) but when I created this class and brought it out to OGC many years ago it was developed toward timid women, thus the reasons why most everything is “baby steps”

Please DO NOT take her to an indoor range for her first experience!! All the noise and guns may only intimidate her and confirm her fears and she may never recover from that.

If you like, you’re more than welcome to PM me!

Good Luck!
Anything I can do to help, please just let me know

Teresa
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